People are much more than their CVs, but here are some things I do. I write fiction, short-form humor, screenplays, and songs. When I can, I also perform music and comedy and do readings. My work is published online in McSweeney’s, The Onion, The New Yorker, Slackjaw, and other fine places.

When not doing those things, I enjoy hiking, cycling, trail running, and pretty much anything outside.

I grew up north of Chicago, received my BA in English Literature from Harvard College and my MFA in Creative Writing from Warren Wilson College near Asheville, NC. In college I competed in cross country, indoor track, and outdoor track and continued to compete afterward, later qualifying for the Olympic Trials in the marathon. Like many writers I’ve worked a number of jobs: I’ve been a tutor, teacher of incarcerated individuals, worked at a YMCA and public library, and most recently I was in the communications department of a university. I have also taught comedy-writing workshops online and take on select writers who are looking for some editing help. You can find out more about that here.

Below are some selected works of mine.

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“The United States Forest Service Answers Questions About Its New Policy to ‘Kill All Ticks and Consign Them to an Eternity in the Flaming Valleys of Hell’” in McSweeney’s

“I am Your Thirty-Fourth Browser Tab, Begging You to Re-Open Me” in McSweeney’s

“Welcome to Big Chet’s Landlord Supply Store, Featuring the Jankiest Appliances of All Time” in McSweeney’s

“We Are Wirecutter, and Last Winter We Sent Eighty-Six Reporters to Test Fifteen Hundred Artificial Christmas Trees. Twelve Haven’t Returned” in McSweeney’s

“You’re a Cyclist Who Was Just Struck by a Car Driver. Here’s Why It Was Your Fault” in McSweeney’s

“Attention: The Staff Break Room is Now Hosting a Writing Residency” in The New Yorker online

“My Wife and I Share Household Duties, Actually” in McSweeney’s

“What Your Favorite New York Times Columnist Says about You” in McSweeney’s

“An Honest Lease Agreement” in McSweeney’s

“The Estate of Édouard Manet Wishes to Remind Museum Visitors That the Best Way to Prevent Climate Change Is to Throw Bucket After Bucket of Hot Sloppy Soup on the Eminently Mediocre Paintings of That Son of a Bitch Monet” in McSweeney’s

“Every Zillow Listing Right Now” in The New Yorker online

“Hell’s Department of Suffering and Horror Is Now Accepting Applications for the Next National Nightmare” in McSweeney’s

“FAQ: Freedom” in McSweeney’s

“I’m Confused Why All These People Are Quitting Jobs That Pay No Money And Make Them Want to Die” in McSweeney’s

“Things People Asked Me When I Worked in the Public Library.” Video.

“A Romantically Unhinged Christmas Carol, Also Known by Certain Residents of the North Country as a Yulesong or Iceyarn.” Video.

VisitShipTrapIsland.com: The world’s premier terror-based luxury resort

Tranquil Inn: A sitcom about an ambitious hotel manager and her eccentric staff trying to transform a haunted, abandoned hotel into a wholesome family getaway.

“FAQ: Composting” in McSweeney’s

“I Personally Don’t Believe Solutions Are the Answer to Our Problems” in McSweeney’s

“Every NIMBY’s Comment at a Public Hearing” in McSweeney’s

“Official Meeting Minutes from the Last Supper” in McSweeney’s

“Donald Barthelme Narrates the Progress of the Reindeer” (a holiday special!) in McSweeney’s

“The Russian Novelist at His Daughter’s 2nd Grade Classroom’s Career Day” in McSweeney’s

“It Gives Me Great Pleasure to Introduce, for the First Time, @JenniferMarkTrueLove” in McSweeney’s

“In Order to Become More Competitive in Our Sector We’ve Decided to Make a Series of Terrible Decisions That Will Make Your Job Way Worse” in McSweeney’s

“The 2048 Republican Presidential Nominees Debate What Should Be Done About the World’s 250 Million Climate Refugees” in McSweeney’s

“The Future of Education Is an Interactive Laptop Screen That Destroys All Hope and Joy” in Slackjaw

“Why Are All The Good Guys Always Taken, Gay, Dead, Or Available?” (headline) in The Onion

“Local Church Full Of Brainwashed Idiots Feeds Town’s Poor Every Week” (headline) in The Onion